First Trimester Top 10 Thoughts

Yes, there is a small human growing inside of me. I have had many thoughts and feelings I wanted to share because I'm sure you either relate and understand or will one day relate and understand. I feel a stronger camaraderie with all women now.

1. I feel the same way about the words "preggers", "preggie", and "preggo" as I do about "hubby" and "hubs". They are not words I will ever use. I don't judge people who do. I just cringe a little when I hear or read it. No big deal.
2. I think I am still in denial because I had always thought having children would be more of a challenge for me and this was also confirmed to me by a doctor a couple years ago. I feel so lucky. It seems too good to be true which makes me a little nervous at times. I am well aware of the people I love who have difficulties having children or have lost a child or wish they were married and could start their families. I feel extra sensitive to their pain lately. I have felt parts of it myself and understand it. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes (a lot of times). Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones, but I get chocked up anytime I think about this, which is often. 
3. How does my body know how to grow a baby, provide a home for it, and give it everything it needs? It blows my mind that my body is that smart and just naturally does it all on its own. Good job body!
4. Can I just tell my "how I knew" story? I was sitting at work on Friday afternoon (June 14). I had an overwhelming feeling of God's love come over me then I had the thought "You have a spirit in you". Okay, first of all, I have a lot of strange thoughts, but this shocked me. I thought that I'm early crazy or this was a really special experience. I rushed home to take a pregnancy test just to check. Instantly positive. I freaked a little. Muttered things to myself. Paced a lot. I made Spencer come home from the gym right away. He was so happy and excited! Not even nervous or scared at all. He gave me a blessing which helped me feel calmer. Of course, I had to take a couple more tests just to be sure. 
5. My very favorite thing these last couple months has been getting a nightly foot massage. It helps me relax, unwind, and sleep much better. Thank you Spencer!
6. First trimester blows. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, it has been a little miserable. I hear it gets better in the second though. Can I talk about symptoms I am having? It seems like there is a new one almost every day. Nausea. Probably my least favorite feeling. I had it constantly for four weeks and tried everything. (this is not complaining just stating facts because I know many women who have had it much worse). I bought ginger ale, ginger candies, Tummy Drops, Sea Bands, Quease Ease, B-6 vitamins, etc. Nothing really helped but I still kept trying it all. The last three weeks it has been much better and more manageable. The fatigue has been crazy. It feels like I drink NyQuil all day and can not keep my eyes open. I have survived by lunch naps in my car, naps after work, being in bed by 9:30pm, and sleeping about 20 hours a day on the weekends. I don't know how women handle it with other little kids around. My emotions have been mostly the same. No mood swings or excessive crying. I feel slightly more irritable, but I blame it on feeling like puking and feeling more tired than ever before in my life. 
7. I have no appetite and most food repulses me. I can't do meat especially chicken or cheesy and creamy foods, but I love fruit, nuts, and hummus. Yep, that is about all I can tolerate. Yesterday I ate 4 peaches within 24 hours. I used to be able to eat rolls until I threw one up. That was the end of that. Okay, fine and pickle juice. I take a swig a couple times a day. I swear it makes me feel better and I love it so much.
8. I miss going #1 much less and #2 much more. That is all I will say about that but I think it must be said.
9. At first I thought this baby was a girl then when we got the first ultrasound 5 weeks ago, I thought it was a boy, and now I don't have a clue and I don't have a preference. Except if it is a boy then someone else will have to name him because there aren't any boy names I like. I have already enlisted a few friends to find a boy's name for me just in case. 
10. I have been feeling a new level of vulnerability that I haven't felt before. It includes these feelings of not being in control and having to have more faith and trust than ever before. I have many moments when I feel vulnerable about this new situation I am learning to navigate through. I am sure this is something I will continue to have throughout my child's life, but I hope I can learn to feel more comfortable and at peace with the feelings of uncertainty.