Momma and baby

I wanted to write out a few things that I have been thinking and learning since becoming a mom.

- I still find it hard to believe that I really am a mother and that Lillie really is mine. I feel so grateful and lucky to have her. It seems like I had to wait a long time and go through many experiences, some good and some hard, in order to finally get her. I know Spencer feels the same way.

- Motherhood is a trip! Although I am still adjusting, it gets easier and more natural everyday. I am finally feeling more normal and not like I am just in survival mode anymore.

- The recovery was quicker than I thought. I remember feeling better a week after delivering. My body has definitely changed and will probably never be the same again, but I embrace it. It is proof that I carried and had a baby. I feel very proud about that.

- I expected more of an emotional roller coaster afterwards. I am definitely more emotional and cry easily at silly tv shows and commercials. The day after I delivered, Spencer was going to stop by our house to get a couple things. I was sobbing when he was leaving. Haha. I don't even know why. I just kept crying and telling him I love him.

- I have had a couple meltdowns. They come at night when I'm tired from the day, stressed out about schoolwork and usually have been pooed and spit up on. I cry a little then feel better the next morning after a little sleep.

- I appreciate all the help and generosity I have received from people. We only went to our new ward once before Lillie came yet they brought meals and gifts even though they didn't know us. We had meals brought from neighbors, friends, and family for a long time. It was so nice to not have to worry about cooking. I also could not have survived as well without my moms and mother-in-law. They have been here to help anytime I needed which has been a lot with all my schoolwork and studying.

- I love being a mom. It feels so selfless and fulfilling. I understand more now how my mom feels about me and it makes me love and respect her even more. There is no deeper love than what I feel for Lillie. Nothing compares or even comes close. Being a mom is also scary. I am completely responsible for this little human and have to keep her safe, happy, and taken care of. It is not a simple task!

- I am a much better, calmer, more patient mom than I would have been if I had a baby when I was 20. I am grateful I am an older mom and feel much more prepared and capable of having and raising a child.

- Husbands have to put up with and endure so much while a woman is pregnant, delivering, and has a newborn. I am thankful Spencer has put up with me. I know I am a lot to handle at times but he still loves me and even more he loves Lillie. He knows when I need a little break and will take her for a nap together or to watch TV on Saturday mornings so I can sleep in. While being new parents is stressful, it also bonds you in such a good way.

Some pictures of Lillie and me: